I'm desperate. So desperate.
Do I know why? Definitely yes. Why should I fall in love with him? Why should I sit next to the person he loves so that he will see her and give hopes to me? And that was just empty hopes I realize. Why should I fall in love with someone that I know would never return my love?
On that night I know something would happen, something would change. From the messages hat she has copied to me, I got the signals. But I keep quite. I don't want to ruin her surprise. Or maybe she already know, just pretending to be so mixed up with her feeling. I don't know which one is right. And here is it, the news' coming. my predictions turn out to be right. And I'm not surprised. I'm not jealous, because I know from the start that he doesn't even had a slit chance to like me. So I just go with the flow and let it go. Nothing is bad, just think positive, but I can't. I cried. I cried out loud that night, releasing all of my stress and sadness and jealousiness. Try to sing even my voice is hoarse and only a little bit of tone can get out. Cry like my eyes won't dry up. And still, no one will listen that night. Cried until I don't know the reason why I cried in the first time. I'm not dissapointed, right? I'm just sad because I know, I do this sacrifice for her. When maybe two people cannot sleep because of the euphoria, the other just can't sleep because of broken heart. Doushite kimi o suki ni natte shimattandarou? Why should I? I can't be as tough as other guys are. I'm someone who's fragile. Too fragile that she tries to keep it a secret. But that's the way it should goes. Just cry so you can forget about it. As Hikki's song said, the answer is mental toughness. You can't be fragile. And that's what I'm suppose to do now. Why can't I stand up alone just because one people? I'm sure I can. I don't know if other people call me mature or what, from my three friends, I'm the youngest. And that's the fact that anyone couldn't change. Including mere words. I don't care if you read this or not, but I just wish that you have a good relationship. And don't mind my long-forgotten feelings, it's over :D I just wanna talk to somebody so I'm not bearing it alone. Wish you had a good relationship for good :)
Please don't change your attitude to me oTL
I'm really really fortunate to find a friend like you :)
Blue Mist
2 comments:
*nangis keras2*
dinaaaa ;(
You should've told me the truth :(
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaf berjuta-juta maaf aku nggak sensitif. maaf aku nggak nyadar. maaf aku terlalu bodoh. maaf aku nggak bisa jadi temen yang baik! :(
Kamu adalah temen terbaik yang penah aku punya. Harusnya aku nggak pantas kamu ngalahin ;(.
I'm very proud to have a friend like you. Yet, at the same time I feel very ashamed of myself. WHY can't I realize it?
I won't change my attitude towards you. But I'll try to be the best friend possible for you ;)
I love you. More than him, ever. And even If I could, I want to turn back the time and rather choose you than him ;).
And hey, PROMISE me, that if this ever happens again, PLEASE do tell me. So we can compete fairly ;)
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